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When my boyfriend and his brothers talked about music and musicians, they judged the worthiness of the artists. This was the 70's so bear with me. Eric Clapton, the best guitarist ever [well, that's true], Cream is great, Rolling Stones are great. Karen Carpenter: she's on the "best drummers" list? Why? She's lame. Linda Ronstadt has some nerve covering a Stones song. More like "Fumbling Dice." And, Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles.
Do you notice the theme here? Women are second rate artists. Never quite as good as a "real", i.e. "male" artist. Girls just hang around musicians and are easily replaced and interchangeable. I didn't think too much about this at the time. [Appalling, isn't it?] I don't know what it's like to be a man, never having been one. What it's like to be a woman is unpredictable, dangerous and underestimated. Have things improved since 1975? Of course. Do some things still linger? Yes. Do some of these apply to men as well? Yes but not all men.
Unpredictable. Dangerous. Underestimated.
Unpredictable
My mom said it seemed every time she planned a vacation, her period would show up to go with her, no matter what the timing. The unpredictability of menstruation. Even those of us who are very "on schedule" have just a general idea what day or hour it will begin. Would it start overnight and you'll have to wash your sheets? Will it start at school and you have to get up to go to the bathroom and there is a blood stain on the seat of the chair because your school makes you wear a friggin' skirt? [I do understand boys have to keep a textbook handy in case they have to stand up and they are already "stood up" if you know what I mean.] Do you have supplies in your purse in case? Will they drop out of your purse when you are digging around for something else and embarrass you? Will they last long enough or will your pink jeans have a tell-tale stain that everyone can see?
If I lay down, will the stain appear even if I try to stick the pad firmly between my butt cheeks before I go to sleep? [No, not a tampon girl but they have their own problems]. Washing out underwear, sheets, pants. Worrying about the timing. How do girls that are blind know when their periods start? Some people in the past sequestered menstruating women in separate areas because they were unclean. With all the work required in their lives, a week of quiet in a tent might have been nice. I tried to play the period card to avoid chores and my mom rolled her eyes and suggested I would probably be able to do them despite this. My mom prepared me ahead of time and she and my older sister warmly brought me into their sisterhood. My best friend at the time tried to tell me she started hers by very pointedly making dots on a piece of paper, which I didn't get, until she had to finally gave up and stage whisper to me during social studies. I think the idea of celebrating this milestone is great and I took my daughter out to dinner.
If you've never researched the history of sanitary products, it's quite interesting. [https://menstrualcup.co/history-of-feminine-hygiene-products/] I thought the pads came about in World War I when the nurses found that the bandages provided for the wounded also made great sanitary pads. Nurses rock! This is true, but earlier that that, 1896, the first commercial sanitary pads were marketed, sank like a stone and disappeared. Since they were unmentionable, no one mentioned them so they didn't sell. I was prepared ahead by my mom with pads with material at each end to attach to a belt. My daughter has a box of tampon with two sizes in one box in decorator colors. The wrappers, not the tampons themselves. Wow-wee.
Having a period is a necessary, albeit inconvenient, part of a woman's life if she wants to have children. It has also been used as a way to exclude women. A woman can't be in the military or in combat because what if she starts her period in the middle of a battle? I personally don't think it would be high on her list, or the lists of her male platoon members of things to worry about. No swimming, so competitive swimming is out. Oh, right, the Olympic swim team. Except for those pesky sharks. She's weak and will get sick during that time. (I was slightly anemic since I was eleven. I took iron supplements.) Can't sing during that time, you'll be too tired, so you can't be a touring musician. I just don't think menstruation is a viable deterrent. Except for some men who think it's gross. It's not like we need to go get stitches, guys. It's not that sort of thing. Be respectful and we'll try not to bleed on you.
Dangerous.
Is there a girl or woman out there that doesn't have to consider where she's going, who she is with and what might happen? I'm going for a walk. Is it in a safe place? I'm going out, is the person I'm meeting interested in me or just hunting. If I have a drink at a bar or party, will I be drugged? O.K., you can make your case for all these things happening to men. So what is the difference? One man going out with a group of his friends. A certain percentage are going with rape and pillage as their agenda. One women out with a group of her friends. Is there a percentage that plan to stalk and kill? It's harder to rape a man [as a woman] than the reverse. Upper body strength. Definitely a rape advantage.
There is a rape scene in the movie Flesh + Blood where one of the female characters "cheers on" the rape. This actually bothered me more than the rape itself. It seems like such a betrayal, one woman to another to encourage this. Who's to know where this character is coming from. People in real life are known to perpetuate the violence shown to them as children just like any other habit. Children who are beaten or see one parent beat on their other parent have an instilled feeling that the behavior is normal, just as children whose parents smoke or exercise or whatever the habitual behavior. The adult child has an unconscious sense of what is normal but has a conscious choice to follow or not follow the behavior. I have very positive memories of my mother coming home from parties and kissing me goodnight smelling of perfume and cigarettes. I associate the scent with her and with love. I choose not to smoke, but the smell of a fresh lit cigarette is enticing.
Perhaps I need to look at the dangerous part of being female in a different way. On a sliding scale there are larger people and smaller people. The percentage of a woman being the smaller person is higher. Even if she is taller, body strength is definitely a factor. But, to a man who is over six feet tall, fit and a bully, is a man who is 5' 6" [1.68 m.] seen as any less of a victim than a woman of the same size and fitness level? Is the woman seen as softer, easier to chase, someone who is less likely to fight back? I think girls are taught not to physically fight. Verbally, yes.
I myself am 5' 8.5" [1.75 m.] though I used to claim 5' 9" before gravity took it's toll on my height. All my immediate family is taller than me, which is a strange feeling. When growing up I was always one of the tallest girls in my class. I was never petite and never would be and all the girls around me made me feel like a bit of a buffalo. Not that they were rude. I sometimes felt strangely protective over the smaller people around me, girls in or children. I can relate to larger, taller men whose chivalric nature make them protective over their smaller family members and friends. Standing between my sons who are 6' 2" and 6' 3" [1.88 and 1.91 m.] respectively (even my daughter is an inch taller than I am] I finally feel short, for once in my life. When they were young men growing up, I emphasized keeping their tempers in check. If a five foot three inch man takes a swing at someone, he can do some damage. If a six foot three inch teenager looses his temper and does the same and he has 220 pounds [100 kg] behind him, he could kill someone.
What if that teenager is either taught to be a bully or is naturally a bastard? What if he feels he has the right to do anything he wants? What if he has the charisma to gather a group of young men who lean that way, are looking for a bit of excitement or can be bullied against their better natures to participate? Who would they pick as victim?
Underestimated.
So let's go back to Karen Carpenter and Linda Ronstadt. Why can female musicians be compared with each other but once they are compared with a male musician they always lose? Is it better than it was 50 years ago? I don't think the women are more talented now or had to fight any less to get where they are. But there is a change in the public's attitude now towards musicians like Madonna, Gwen Stefani, Pink and others who are not just called bitches or worse because they are smart, talented and assert themselves. What they've had to put up with privately in the professional and business side of their careers, I don't know. Rock music, grunge, heavy metal are very male-centric in terms of who are the most well-know bands and artists. At least it seems that way from the fan point of view. Why is that so? Can the male fans identify more with the male rock musicians? Are more of the female fans interested in the male rock musicians than in being rock musicians themselves? For that matter, there are probably more fans, male and female that want to be the love interest for rock musicians, female or male, than want to be rock musicians themselves. In either case, there are fewer very well-know female rockers than male since 1950. Are there fewer because it's harder for them to get noticed or because it's not ladylike to play rock music and/or have tattoos? Well it certainly wasn't in the 1950's.
In 2021 I don't think I would tell Pink, Gwen Stefani or Madonna they aren't lady-like. None of us would be able to keep a straight face. The perception of what a lady is has changed in fifty years. Slowly. There are alternative rock or post-grunge female artists. You just have to dig a little to find them. Don't believe me? Here is the list called The Best Alternative Rock Bands Of 2020, Ranked [https://www.ranker.com/list/best-alternative-rock-bands-2020/jovaughnbrown]. Ranked by fans:
Twenty One Pilots
Fall Out Boy
Foo Fighters
Cage the Elephant
Green Day
The Killers
Tame Impala
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Weezer
The 1975
You have to get down to number 15 to find a female band member (Evanescence founded by Amy Lee and Ben Moody if you are wondering). After that we have female alternative bands or bandmembers in Grouplove, HAIM, The Pretty Reckless and Airborne Toxic Event who had a female band member, Anna Bulbrook, on violin and backing vocals, until recently. If you think I'm belaboring the point, I'll belabor a bit more. I looked up Alternative Rock Greatest Hits on Spotify. The bands listed are Vertical Horizon, Staind, Creed, Incubus, The Calling, Lifehouse, Sugar Ray, Dishwalla, Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Blind, Counting Crows, Hoobastank, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Coldplay, Matchbox Twenty, 3 Doors Down, Hinder, Green Day, blink-182, Nickelback, Gorillaz. Oh, Gorillaz has female bandmember called Noodle, but she is virtual and was created by Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett. But her voice is done by singer, songwriter and musician Miho Hatori. I finally got down to Sixpence None the Richer with founding member Leigh Nash (vocals) and past member Tess Wiley (guitar).
O.K., that's enough whining. I'll put my money where my mouth is, figuratively speaking, and do a blog on Alternative Rock bands with female band members. But you know what I mean. The bands they list are great, although the fact that Seether isn't on it takes the list down a notch in my mind. The Spotify Seether Radio does have Sick Puppies, Evanescence and Halestorm. in the list of . . . Well, I'm too tired looking up all the bands I don't know to count all the songs. 60 songs. I lied, I may be tired but my slight OCD kicked in and I had to. Oh, Marilyn Manson. Just kidding!!
EM
PS. So what about Yoko Ono breaking up the Beatles? This underestimates men. Just as the, "I couldn't help myself." rape defense bullshit. (Bear with me). Both statements assume men have no control, are easily lead and can't make their own decisions. The last "man" I know who has those characteristics, a least the first two, was three years old. Stop blaming Yoko Ono! If someone says that to me today, I might slap them. Or ask Pink to do it. She looks like she could. Although I'm sure she's too much of a lady.
em
